The Mum Guilt has hit me hard of late.
It’s down to a mixture of things really; I started a new job about four weeks ago and last week I had a rather nasty bout of gallstones that put me out of action for a week, and I’ve been left feeling a bit out of the parenting loop. I’ve had a part-time job since George was about 18 months old, I even had two for a few months over Christmas, but it was mainly evening work. It meant I missed bedtime but I got to spend all day with my little pal, I knew the ins and outs of his day. However, my new job is regular 9-5 type hours and George’s days seem to be slipping away from me.
I’ve always taken the role of lead parent, mainly due to the fact that I spend the most time with George as my other half works full-time, it just simply worked out for us that way. Consequently I’ve always been the one George shouts for when he wakes up at night, and the one he wants to cuddle when he’s tired. However, as I start to work more and he’s starting to spend more time not just with his Daddy, but with his Grandparents and other family members, I’m starting to feel like my #1 Mummy title might need a little bit of a polish. Especially as the frequency of statements such as ‘where’s Daddy!’ and ‘I want to go to Nanas!’ starts to increase.
Last week George spent four days and three nights away from home, with only short visits for snatched kisses and cuddles. I desperately needed that time to recover from a pretty brutal bout of cholecystitis (gallbladder inflammation or as I like to call it THE WORST PAIN ON EARTH) and George’s angel Grandparents really stepped up to help out. Herein the Mum Guilt began.
Why is it so hard to take a necessary break and not feel like the worst parent around? I knew he was being looked after and was loving every minute of being spoiled by his Grandma and Nana, spending most of it eating treats and playing on a new Bing scooter, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was shirking my responsibilities somehow. And now I’m almost back to normal, and back at work, I can’t shake the feeling that where I’m supposed to be is at home with my little boy making sure I’m Mumming it to the best of my abilities.
Of course I won’t be quitting my job, not only do I need the money but I’m fully aware that it’s an important and necessary part of my life. But UGHHH the guilty feels are just too much. Would it be weird if I made him wear a tiny camera everywhere so I could still be part of his day?
I know I’m not a bad Mummy, and I know all you working/stay at home/work at home Mamas out there aren’t bad Mummys either. We’re all ultimately doing the best we can for our little ones, if only there was a way to have it all!