I Missed the First 30 Weeks.

I can already hear the shouting. The shouts of ‘but how didn’t you know?!’, ‘you must’ve known?!’ and my personal favourite, ‘did you not even have an inkling?!’ My answer, no, no and no. If you haven’t read my Tricky Second Post then you might yet still think of me as Rosie, mummy to George, and newbie blogger, but you’d be wrong – let me introduce myself. My name is Rosie and I’m ‘the one that found out they were pregnant at 30 weeks’.

I try not to divulge this piece of information unless absolutely necessary, and if I do I largely try and laugh it off. ‘Oh I know it’s crazy isn’t it, what a hide and seek champion George is’ *ha ha ha* *sob sob sob*. But in reality finding out I was pregnant at 30 weeks was terrifying, heartbreaking and by far the most testing thing I’ve ever had to face in my life, and I can’t think of a more therapeutic way to rationalise it to myself than to write about it.

In mid-December 2013 it all of a sudden dawned on me. When was my last period? Not THAT long ago, but still TOO long ago to be normal. Cue panic, a dash to Sainsbury’s, and two small blue lines that I could barely see through my tear-filled eyes. At this point in my life I was halfway through my first Semester of my final year at University, having just spent the previous year studying abroad in Toronto, and the summer inter-railing around Europe with my friends. You could say that having a baby at this point wasn’t exactly in my plan.

I managed to get an emergency doctors appointment, and after a quick examination I was told by a rather uninterested doctor that he thought I was around 10 weeks along. Okay, I thought, time for options. My lovely friend who’d come to the appointment with me was then swiftly roped into a 50 mile drive to the nearest BPAS clinic for a consultation. Almost as soon as my options were laid on the table they were again removed. One of the first stages of a BPAS consultation is a scan, a scan which very obviously revealed I was not 10 weeks pregnant as the doctor suggested, but 30 weeks pregnant.

The first 30 weeks of my pregnancy had been skipped entirely in the blink of an eye. If there’s ever been a time in my life when the phrase ‘it felt like being hit by a bus’ couldn’t be more accurate, it was now. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t process what anyone was saying to me. My friend ushered me back to the car where I cried, for a long time. When the tears were gone I was filled with an astounding numbness. I spent the 4 hour drive home from University in silence and it passed like a flash.

The main emotion I felt for a long time, and still do now in fact, is embarrassment. Just like everyone else, I can’t believe I didn’t know. I hadn’t been in a position where I should have been worried about a possible unplanned pregnancy, I’d been busily seeing the world and trying to finish my degree, there was no mass of symptoms I should have noticed (seriously, I was still wearing my American Apparel disco pants up until I found out, and those bad boys are tight), I just simply had no idea.

(Pics below; first – 12 weeks pregnant, second – 6 months pregnant. Where are you G?)

I’m lucky that I have an amazing support network who were immediately on board, hurriedly buying baby grows and blankets whilst assembling cribs and prams. My boyfriend, family and friends were amazing. There is no way I’d have held it together without them. My best friend even managed to squeeze in a baby shower for me during the short amount of pregnancy I had left.

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A lot of people have said things to me like ‘well at least you missed out on 30 weeks of worrying’, and ‘at least you don’t have to wait 9 months to meet him now’, these assurances are not helpful. There is 30 weeks of George’s life where I didn’t know him, where I couldn’t love him or look after him, and that is time that I can never have back. As hard as it was for me to come to terms with the realities of a 10 week pregnancy, one of the hardest things was knowing he was there all that time and he was essentially alone. I never really got to experience being a happy, glowing pregnant woman, I barely had a bump I could show off, and while I hope I’ll get to experience that someday with another child, I’ll never get to have that experience with George.

So that’s my story. It’s a weird one, probably more often seen on the pages of cheap coffee table magazines, but it’s part of who I am, and despite the upset it initially caused I now have a beautiful, healthy and loving little boy who will forever be known as the Hide and Seek Champion of the World.

 

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50 thoughts on “I Missed the First 30 Weeks.

  1. Wow that’s an amazing story, I can totally understand you feeling upset about missing the first 30 weeks. You’ve got so many more weeks, months and years ahead to enjoy now 🙂 Xxx

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  2. Wow. Just wow!!! That’s an incredible story, told so honestly! I really can’t imagine how that must’ve felt when you were 30 weeks along. But there’s no need to be embarrassed at all, when I was a nurse, I saw plenty of women come through A&E very far along, with absolutely no bump at all, so I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I also feel it could’ve happened to me with DT, because I hardly ever have periods, so 9 months without wouldn’t have phased me, and I had no symptoms at all, and also didn’t show until very late. To this day I don’t know why, but after a drunken night out (yes, I was drunk when I found out I was pregnant, but we weren’t trying) I picked up a pregnancy test we had laying around, and said ‘wouldn’t it be funny if we did this!’ And my horror when it was positive. It must’ve been fate that made me do that, or I could easily have been in the same position as you.
    Great post!!

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    1. Thanks so much for reading! Haha there’s all sorts of unusual ways people find out isn’t there🙊 I’m just glad I wasn’t in labour when I realised! We both have beautiful babes now though so it doesn’t matter too much anymore😊 xx

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  3. Hi Rosie. I too was in the same boat as you. I found out with my first at 32 weeks and then he arrived early at 34 so I had 2 weeks notice!!!!
    It was the scariest thing ever, luckily it’s all worked out wonderfully and he was born healthy, a little jaundice and small but perfect and he’s now 7 and the most wonderful, caring little boy. He changed our lives for the better.

    I too never tell people my story as I’m wracked with guilt and embarrassment (I was taking the pill back to back as I had awful periods and I was a dance teacher and still doing the splits up until 2 weeks before he was born in my gym stuff!!)

    I had a pretty tough time from some ‘friends’ who didn’t believe me and it still affects me now to be honest, not that they know i know what they said at the time but it’s all stored in my memory bank!!

    So pleased you’re ok and it’s worked out ok for you.
    Me and my (now) husband have got 3 boys now and are very happily married so these things do happen for a reason.

    Keep writing, hold your head up high and take comfort in the fact you’re not alone.xx

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    1. Thank god I’m not the only one! Being ready for him in 2 weeks is incredible! I really feel like I was just in a daze and everyone else sorted things for me hah. I know how you feel, I think a lot of people still feel unsure if they believe me but as long as we’re happy with our precious little ones that’s all that matters! Thanks so much for reading, your comment means a lot xx

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  4. What a tough time for you. I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt when you found out. Like others have said, you’re not on your own though. One of my friends found out at 32 weeks too, it happens. And although you missed out on those first 30 weeks with George it doesn’t seem to have affected the bond you have with him at all ❤️ xx

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  5. Finding out you’re pregnant is such a surreal moment even when it’s planned and you have 30+ weeks to deal with it, it must have been so difficult to come to terms with it in such a short space of time. It’s lovely how everyone rallied round and got everything sorted ready in time for George to arrive!

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  6. Wow that’s an awesome story 🙂 and a young mum too, I have shared it on my business Facebook page – I run a social enterprise for parents under 25 called Visit from the Stork CIC and I’m sure other mums will be able to relate to it. You looked so thin even at 6 months pregnant, that’s crazy. Did you manage to complete your degree? xx

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    1. Thankyou for reading☺️ oh wow! Thanks! I’ll definitely check that out. Yep it was unbelievable! even when I went to the labour ward at 38 weeks for a tour the midwife just presumed I was being really prepared and getting a visit in straight away haha, I was like nope I’m due in 2 weeks! I did thankfully😊 I wrote a little post about being pregnant at uni (https://everythingsrosieandgeorge.wordpress.com/2016/01/18/the-tricky-second-post/) it was hard but worth it! Xx

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  7. Reading this gave me goosebumps…it’s a very heartfelt and honest account. It’s a perspective I hadn’t really appreciated before. You must have totally freaked out thinking of all the things you’d done In those 30 weeks… I know I would have. Thank you for sharing this piece of your story…the big question is, is he still king of peek a boo?
    Xxx
    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

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    1. Thankyou for reading😊 I’m glad you enjoyed it! It was a pretty scary time, is spent a month travelling Europe wearing a 20kg rucksack without a clue I had a tiny extra traveller with me. Haha, he’s still a pretty good hider although he’s rubbish at suppressing his chuckles! But we all know toddlers aren’t the best at self control🙊 xxx

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  8. Great post, what an amazing story! I have a friend who was having some stomach pains so just jumped in the bath to try and smooth it and out popped a baby, it’s incredible what our bodies can do. Your little boy is gorgeous and you are clearly an amazing mummy xx

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  9. Wow, I have to admit, I may have been one of those people who’s said in the past of similar account ‘they must’ve had an inkling?!’ Your story has definitely opened up my eyes to the fact that it really does happen and how absolutely terrifying it must be. I can’t imagine how shocked and scared you must’ve felt – especially at such a stage in your life. I still didn’t feel prepared after 9 months of getting used to the idea! So glad that you have a healthy, beautiful baby boy and such a great support network around you. xx #KCACOLS

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  10. Wow, what a story! It’s really interesting to get your perspective on those unknowing 30 weeks, and the sense of loss you experienced from missing them. Im so glad that what started out as the biggest shock of your life became one of your biggest blessings 🙂

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  11. Thank you for sharing this, it is a great and honest post. I couldn’t imagine how shocked and upset you must have been finding out at 30 weeks. Please don’t dwell too much on missing out on the first 30 weeks of pregnancy, just continue to enjoy the present and look forward. Claire x #bigpinklink

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  12. Gosh, what an amazing story! I completely understand why you feel the way you do but you really shouldn’t feel bad. Just because you didn’t know he was there, your body was still feeding him, still keeping him safe and warm, he could still hear your heart’s reassuring beats, he listened to you talk and laugh and felt comfort from the rocking of your movements. He had no idea that you were’t aware of him in the same way that a baby you do know about probable has no idea you DO know about them. They are just there. And it sounds as though you are more then making up for it now. I didn’t get my head around being pregnant at all until my daughter actually arrived, even though she was planned for and known about from the minute you could do a test. I think you’ve been really brave to tell your story and it must have been really tough to cope with that at a young age and in the middle of uni etc. Thank you so much for sharing your post with the first ever #bigpinklink

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    1. Thankyou for reading my story! That’s all so true, it seems from a lot of the comments I’ve had on this post that creating a tiny person is so mind-blowing that hardly anyone gets their head around it – whether it’s planned or not! So at least I’m not alone in that. Thanks for hosting the #bigpinklink, I’ll sure to link up again next time 🙂 xx

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  13. Oh my! Just 10 weeks to prepare yourself. That’s super scary. I totally understand why you’re upset about missing the first 30 weeks. I’d be upset too. I hope you’re able to find your peace with it. You’re body clearly copes amazingly with being pregnant. #KCACOLS

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  14. Thought I’d return the favour and check your blog out. 😊

    Firstly, I’m a huge fan of peonies, good choice !

    I am so fascinated by this! My little Pixie was a hider too, but not to such an extreme – she just gave us all a fright during my induction when 3 doctors were unable to find get heartbeat!

    Congratulations, most scary but also best surprise ever! X

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  15. Gosh that’s amazing! You don’t look any different in the photos! When I was 12 weeks pregnant people thought I was almost full term – I was HUGE! 😉

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  16. Real honest Rosie, you kept me reading, and wanting more. But please know you are not the only one who has been given the news “u r 30 weeks pregnant”. Times have changed, people evolve, so many women are finding out the same news as u, and it’s not as uncommon as people think. Can’t wait to read more xxx

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      1. I actually found out about a woman who didn’t know she was pregnant until she was in labour! She works with my best friend. So her family spent the time she was in the hospital buying the essentials lol xxx

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  17. Aw I know it’s not exactly what you would’ve planned, but it’s a lovely story nonetheless. And it’s YOUR story, yours and George’s. Be proud of that 🙂 Thanks for sharing it with the blogging world, I found your post via #bigpinklink and I will look forward to more of your posts!

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  18. Oh wow, what a fantastic story! And I do believe these things happens because I have a very good friend that had the same experience.She found out that she was pregnant at a similar time than you and she didn’t really understand how. I was also pregnant at the same time than her and we had both the same time and we had similar due dates, just 2 weeks of difference. It was so strange for me as I was so uncomfortable with the belly and my first 3 months weren’t easy so I was wondering how she didn’t notice any difference. But then after meeting her I did my own research online and found out that these things can happen and that she of course wasn’t the only one (well you know more than me about this 😉 ). I’m so glad to hear that you have a healthy and happy baby. Thanks so much lovely for sharing this amazing story at #KCACOLS. I’m very happy to have you for the first time. Sorry that we had this long break in between and we took longer to comment. I hope that you like it and I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x

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